eternity.

I promised to get stronger, I promised. And slowly, Im learning. I'm unstable vulnearble but I'll be okay. That I'll promise. I believed too many things, from the start to the very end, although I can't find the end now. I believed too many lies, if you're gonna come back again and tell me the fourth version, please, just, don't. Yes, knowing too much can get me hurt. But hey, right now I can't forget whatever that was told to me right? But that stays there. I drew the line, drew the limit, as to how much i can take, and I can't go on knowing more. I'll avoid ignore and just get on. I owe that much to Bullet, Lala, Mia, Dyla, E, Candaye, and myself. They can't take it, neither can I. Neither can I face my stupidity and how gullible I was. It made too much sense, perfect sense. I choke on tears, my breath gets stuck on its way up. I can feel myself falling fading so much, that i can't even think to pull me up, instead of going downward. This is hard, so hard. Cheated, betrayed? I thought I knew what that felt like back 2 years ago, and I told myself, I'll never put myself through that again. But then a few months later I didnt know what I was in for. Until now, its been nearly 2 years, and heck, now I know what it feels like, its not a good feeling, its not. Why did I put myself through this? Where can I point the blame to? Me? You? The hypocrisy of love? Why blame now, why not get out of this state? Make it all go away, and move forward? yes, smart move. But its not easy, there's no delete button, there's no easy way out. the agony of shutting your eyes, only to open it, thinking about all of it , the misery and sorrow that comes along with it, the harsh reality I've to wake up realising. Abby told me, " You'll feel disgusted at one point. " Yes, but Im far from it. I havent gotten the strength to face my stupidity, the strength to let the memories slip away, the strength to let go of wishing you were here.

" THE ONLY ONE. "
Ponder, what does that mean to you, to me, to anyone? Don't you think there's too many definitions of everything? Well, that's as far as I see it.

Distance. there has to be distance. I got to distance.

One day, I'll turn back, and I'll forget the night, that very night, when you were watching a movie, you said to me, " I love you, very very much. "
One day, I'll turn back, and I'll forget how I gave in to your threats that you'll find another one. I'll forget how I got scared.
I'll forget sleepless nights, puffy eyes, blocked nose. I'll forget the very fact that they carried meaning.

Girlfriends. Now if you want something to define, define that. And the best part is, they're mine. <3. They're not like any koko crunch cereal that you can just pick up from the supermarket and it'll still taste the same like every other week that you bought it.